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After you left the flat, I could not rid my mind of a Western popular song. Not only the tune, but the words, going round and round in my head: “I Want Candy.” Do you know this song? I cannot decipher it myself, but then English is such a mysterious language. The flat was spare. The spare was flat.
What I want to say is that it is not in my nature to dismiss you. Not in the way you imagine, two individuals going separate ways. We desire different things and I don’t believe that either of us is satisfied, yet. I see something in you that journeys far beyond need — it’s the same longing you see in the mongrel’s eyes, that pup who would love you like a brother. I’ve seen his skinny shoulders shiver while he waits for you, smoking an American cigarette as if it were a lamp to light the path.
Oh yes, I know all about him, and I know how much it would pain him to learn what I know about you. The strength of gaze and the emptiness of garments. The breath; the dark. Learning these things was like falling through warm shadows into cool water: The memory calms me in a way that other transactions have not.
You taught me that word, and I treasure it. There is so much of the world in it, of giving and of receiving. But I will not repeat it here. Let us agree that we will meet again, at another flat if you insist (I do indeed have a spare.)
We need not meet right away, of course, but I would dig the well before I am thirsty. In that respect, perhaps I can repay your lessons with one or two of my own.
This is not a threat, you understand. Even though we are not friends, you can consider this a friendly warning. You can rest assured: I will not love you.
About Peter W. Fong
Peter W. Fong is the author of the award-winning novel, Principles of Navigation, and a chapter book for children and adults, The Coconut Crab. His stories and photos have appeared in American Fiction, Gray's Sporting Journal, the New York Times Sophisticated Traveler, and many other publications. He lives in Tangier, Morocco.
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